Ishwara Pranidhana.

In 2012 I moved to the gorgeous Island of Cozumel in the Mexican Caribbean, in front of Playa del Carmen or in slang „karma beach“, to begin my formation of Kundalini Hatha Yoga Teacher training. 500 hours between theorie and practice where the path of growth, healing and self discovery through this ancient and wise discipline would bless and guide my life, perception, reality, way of living on daily basis and how to connect with my own self as well as with the beings and environment outside. I consider sanscrit, as one of the most beautiful languages, not just for it’s graphology but for all the wisdom and meanings. One of them which changed my focus since I heard of it and consciously chew the idea of it is this:

„Ishwarapranidhana“.

It can be understood or translated as: „conscious act of acceptance and surrender. To give up the need of sense of control.

Allowing things to just flow as life decides and brings. To choose and decide to drop fighting, struggle and grasping energy of the egoic self and just trust the infinite power of the divine“. As a little extra context I will share, that I absolutely do believe on the mysterious power and forces of the universe. However, as the Taurus oriented energy I have, I have tendency as an earth sign the „need“ of grounding. To know where and how I am, where I come from (is highly important never to forget the roots), and where I want to be, as well as for emotional matter as for physical reality. Specially with the unstable family of mine and ‚daddy issues‘ background I must confess I have. My toxic treat was that… Often not trusting even my own shadow. On my defense I got to be that way after previous experience with betrayals, lies, hurt, disappointment and emotional pain that in my past was given to me not at all by mean strangers, but by the persons who once told me they ‚loved me‘ and not at all would hurt me… And boom! Havoc, get the umbrella again because shit was raining upon me once again because of trusting the wrong people…

Ahhh… (Me deep breathing)….

Did you know that breathing pretty much just doesn’t keeps us alive but also regulate the sympatic and parasympatic nervous systems of ours, which are in charge of the neurotransmisors segregation (brain chemical cocktail), which guides the body into peace, love and relaxation or stress, pain or fight or flight mode? So i was there… With an invitation of a handsome man who wore a flag of good person, said had good intentions, had great connection with my kid, good friend of my few friends, said to have a nice stable loving bond with his siblings and mother (his dad also had passed the way as mine), what could possibly go wrong? (Infinity eyes rolling here)… He had been nice and caring this time we have been together and has accepted me even with my body imperfections such as my extra weight due to high cortisol and lack of movement due to my chronic back problem, my saggy mama belly and breast.

You guys have no idea what of a challenge was for me to get naked as in body as in mind to this man. With fear of the past and to be hurt again, but with excitement and hope of a good sweet patient caring empathic authentic lasting honest love. Once again.. I trusted…