Knowing that I don’t know

I don’t know shit anymore. I don’t know what I know, I don’t know what I don’t know, I don’t know what I want to know, I don’t know what I need to know. Knowing is a space that is connected to words that have meaning, that mean something to everybody else, or at least people think they know what it should mean, or they pretend they know what it means.

Me and knowing, we don’t really know (there it is again…) how to relate to one another. I mean, I studied literary science, I read I don’t know (yes, this is becoming a running joke real quick here) how many books in philosophy, sociology, history and what not. I don’t remember any of it. All that is left of those years of study are certain images/visualizations of certain scenes that touched me deeply, in certain books I don’t remember the names of.

I still don’t know exactly how the parliament in Switzerland works. I don’t think I know what the capital of Finland is, or what the biggest mountain in the world is called. Himalaya or Kilimandscharo come to mind, but they both mean the same thing to me, something enormous, something big, something mysterious and beyond our thinking mind. The mountain starts to breathe life as our imagination begins to create. 

Why do I need to know all those things? Who tells me I need to know them? What difference does it make? Why do I need to say that I live in Switzerland? Maybe that day that I am being asked it actually is Bali? Never been there, so maybe tomorrow I’d like to try. My imagination can be anywhere everywhere anytime. So why does it matter that I answer Switzerland? Who does it matter to?

I want to know less and feel more. Where is the end of the rainbow? What awaits you at the end of it? How light would you feel arriving there? Would you feel light? Will there be somebody waiting for you? Who would be waiting for you, greeting you? What am I supposed to be doing with the not knowing that I am calling my own now?

No idea where those questions are leading me to. But I do hope, I am praying, I am asking, I am begging, I am requesting, I am asking, I am asking that they will lead to something lighter and warmer and wider.